It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
