my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
