I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
