Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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