her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
