Your face is a jimmy john
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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