Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
