walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
