I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
