why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
