hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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