We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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