I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
