dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize