I am spending my child support on dildos
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
