dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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