she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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