we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
