My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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