Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
