He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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