I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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