I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
