My friends, they love my intelligence
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
