You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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