At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
