I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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