Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
