my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
