Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
operation harelip BJ is a go
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
