I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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