so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
