My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
