i barfeds in our rink
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
