it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
