More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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