saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
