so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
