sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
