But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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