this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
