Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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