i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
