How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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