U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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