apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
