My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
