dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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