How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
