Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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