Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A+ Viking dick
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