Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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