so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
