I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
