I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
