you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
