your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
