So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
