no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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