In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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