U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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