i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
