I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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