I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
