She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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